IV Songs
by Jo-9tails
Summary: Our favorite youko is in cloud 9 with thoughts of his koorime lover. But his world is shaken when said koorime decides to leave him... for good? Dare I say this fic is yaoi? smirk
1. Default Chapter

**IV Songs**

a songfic by: Ninetails

Part 1: Breakdown

_You called yesterday, to basically say_

_That you care for me but, that you're just not in love _

It's Valentine's Day. There were loads of gifts on my bed from my schoolmates. I feel a silly smile creeping on my face as I gaze out of my window. Hiei. Just thinking of my lover wants me to burst out in a fit of giggles. I feel all giddy and foolish and light-headed. It's still early, just a few minutes past six. I stirred my brain for something to do while waiting. I got out of my bed and went to my laptop. I turned it on and stared at the blank screen. _'What was I supposed to be doing again? Oh, the Science Month Essay. Well, better work on it while I'm still not so distracted.' _As I was working, my mind drifted, naturally, to Hiei. It was only last night when he proposed his love for me. _'Well, he didn't say "love" exactly, but his words came very near it.' _I heave a sigh, trying to smother the doubts that slither into my brain. "God you stupid youko, why do you still distrust him? For Hiei to even hint it is the same as spilling his guts to you. What more could you ask for?" I chastised myself.

After turning off the screen, I went back to the comfort of my futon. I heaved another sigh as I burrowed comfortably into the sheets. I pulled a little box out of its place in my drawer. It was a necklace. An elaborate thing, with an intertwined fox and dragon as pendant. It would look very nice on my lover's muscled, compact, sexy...the list went on and on... chest. _'Hmm, Hiei.' _As if my thoughts summoned him, I sensed a dark ki come into my room and the shadow manifested itself into the image of my Koorime. "Hiei!!!" I quickly bounded to him but stopped inches from him when I saw a crease on his forehead. I quickly sensed something was wrong and I asked this of him. "Shade of my heart, what bothers you?" I asked, putting my fingers to his cheek. All he gave me for a reply was a little grunt. "Koi, so nice of you to give me a call. Why did you come?" I asked, playing dumb to the occasion. I sat back down on the edge of my bed and looked at him expectantly. I was sure he would forget this ningen tradition but a tendril of hope bloomed in my heart with the thought that he didn't forget our first Valentine's Day as lovers after all. I shouldn't have ignored that small uneasiness for I didn't expect the course of events that happened. My lover hunched down in front of me, took my hands in his small ones and blurted out, "Kurama... we're through." I realized that my mouth gaped in shock and I quickly schooled my face into what I thought was a neutral expression. "Na-nani? You're kidding, right? You..." "Kurama, I told you, we're off. I'll be going to Makai. Don't follow me there. We may never see each other again." He must have seen something in my face for he said, "Look fox, I know you care for me but not enough for a commitment. We still are friends," he finally muttered. I felt my heart wrench and was afraid I was going to faint.

_Immediately I pretended to be feeling similarly And led you to believe I was okay_

_To just, walk away from the One thing that's unyielding and sacred to me..._

"Y-yes, right. Tomo," I managed to say, with my voice hoarse and my throat dry. "I- I mean, we still are b-best friends and all and--and... why?" I tried to steel myself for the answer and my fire demon said, "I just don't want to have a commitment anymore. I know that you don't want it too so..." _'Don't want a commitment, Inari!' _I mouthed silently, _'That's what I'm hoping for from you ever since I first saw you, fire demon.'_ He finally got up and was about to leave, but hesitated as he saw the sickly expression on my face. "Kurama, are you..." "Yes, yes I'm fine, hontou. Just a little headache." With a final look, my beautiful Koorime flitted away into the dark.

_So what do you do when somebody you're so devoted to_

_Suddenly just stops loving you, and seems they haven't got a clue. Of the pain and rejection they're putting you through_

When his ki was finally gone from my senses, I crumpled into a tiny ball at the foot of my bed. I braced myself for my outburst but the tears didn't come. I was numb from shock and pain. I sat there for what seemed like hours. I stared at emptiness, putting my hands around me and rocking myself for some comfort. _'He had no idea. He was totally oblivious of the hurt and denial he brought me. And yet... I don't feel mad at him.' _I couldn't be mad at Hiei, ever. I tried to cultivate some belief that everything would turn into a joke back into my heart but I knew it was hopeless. I climbed back into bed and stared at my ceiling. Everything became blurred, but still, the tears didn't come. Slowly, my eyes slid down and sleep came.

_Do you cling to your pride, and sing 'I will survive'?_

_Do you lash out and say, 'How dare you leave this way'?_

I had feverish dreams that night. One vivid dream pictured me on top of a hill. Then on the next hill, I saw Hiei's form. I felt ready to choke but then my face became steel, as hard and as expressionless. I spoke to him, or tried to, for first the words wouldn't come. Then on my second attempt, I finally forced out the words; "I will go on living my life without you, Hiei! Now that you're out of my life, I'll be so much better!" But no matter how loud or how noisy I bellowed, Hiei never stirred. Then, a noise came to my ears. Laughter. Low and menacing, almost like a growl. Then I gave a start as I realized who was laughing and seemingly at me. Hiei! Then another shape loomed up beside him. Taller, slender and feminine. Mukuro. Then she joined Hiei in laughter. Then she put her arms around my Koorime and kissed him! I couldn't take it any longer. I screamed.

Waking up, with my red hair clinging all over my face and my shirt coated with sweat, I looked around. No hills, no Mukuro... no Hiei. I went to my closet and pulled out a dry shirt and changed. I padded back to my bed and settled down once more, praying to Inari-sama that I'll have at least a dreamless sleep.

I knew I was dreaming again, but I couldn't seem to wake up to get out of the dream. I was in Mukuro's palace, walking along endless corridors. As to where my destination is, I have no idea. All I know is that I have to go on and on and on. The corridor I was following seemed to veer to the right so I went right. Then a door suddenly sprang up in front of me, inches away from my nose. Before I knew I was moving for the knob, the door was open. Inside was a sea of endless black lit only by a single candle. Directly below that candle were two figures. A step closer and I was able to identify them. Hiei and Mukuro, no surprise there. What wrenched at my heart was that they were making love like tomorrow's the end of the three worlds! I couldn't help it. I seemed to see red, to find out it was Hiei's eyes, glowing in the never-ending darkness, I was looking at. I whipped out my rose whip and thrashed it at them. I realized that I was yelling, not words, just a loud, open-mouthed yell, the whole way to the two intertwined figures. They attacked me too, of course. The whole scene seemed to slow down, like a movie played in slow motion, but it seemed an eternity. Finally, Hiei pierced me with his katana. There was a smile on his beautiful face; a smile of triumph. I gurgled, trying to speak. Then a weak voice came out of my throat. "Hi-Hiei... why?... how dare you leave me this way? I thought... I" That was all that I managed to say before he buried the katana straight through my chest.

When I opened my eyes, a faint, pinkish light peeked through the horizon. There was nothing to do but sleep. I laid my head down on my pillow, wondering what dream will haunt me next.

_Do you hold on in vain as they just slip away?_

I was in my room. _'Good,'_ I thought wryly. _'Maybe now I am safe from those nightmares.' _I turned towards the window and I saw a small shape crouched on the sill. The scenes from earlier tonight replayed itself in this dream. I saw myself touching the gift that was for Hiei, acting all giddy and lightheaded. I saw myself writhing about with pleasure when I saw Hiei come. Then I saw the hurt that issued on my face as Hiei spoke. _'That's when he told me that we're through, Inari-did I look like THAT?'_ I thought. But suddenly, actions that I didn't do seemed to unfold in this particular dream. My hand shot out to hold Hiei's fleeting form, and to my dream-image's relief, I caught Hiei's wrist. He turned to me then, full of disgust on his face. He tried to pry his wrist free from my iron-grip. "Get your filthy hands off me, you hideous, repulsive youko! I never want to see you again! Do you hear me, Kurama, or have you gone deaf? Hands off, I said!" he shouted at me. "Hiei, please! We could be happy together. I promise, I won't do anything to hurt you or displease you. I love you!..." I tried to tell him but he drew out his katana and he threatened me, the sharp blade cutting the skin of my neck. I felt warm blood trickling down to my shirt as I gazed up at him. "H-Hiei, I love..." "Shut up, baka!" and with those last words, I felt the katana gorge through my neck. I tried to scream, when I looked at him, there was a manic grin on his face. "Nooo..." was all I was able to get out before the dream winked out of existence and I woke up.

_So I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it._

_And I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you_

I sat up in bed, staring out, at what, I don't know. Harsh light hurt my eyes and I winced, trying hard to get used to the sunlight. I went to my bathroom and looked at myself at the mirror. I almost didn't recognize myself, my fiery hair stuck out in all directions; my emerald eyes were rimmed with scarlet veins, all puffy and red; my skin was damp and blotchy... I looked grotesque! I turned on the hot water and shrugged out of my dress, the cloth sticking SOGGILY to my body. After taking a not-so-rejuvenating bath, I got a brush and tried to untangle my hair of the mess it was in, the red strands so disheveled that it seemed like a tornado whirled around in it. After an exhausting minute trying to detangle a particularly vicious knot, I dried myself and put my uniform on. I tried to whistle and hum a happy, silly tune, just to make me smile. All that got out was a hoarse wheeze. I steeled myself, Shiori-san will surely know something was wrong if she took one look at my face. Plastering what I hope was a happy smile on my face, I went downstairs, ready for the day.

I ate breakfast, or tried to. I attempted to eat my whole meal, but it tasted like ash, so I excused myself and put my half-eaten meal on the sink. Thankfully, kaasan let it pass and didn't ask questions. She did ask me if I was feeling well and if I could eat more. I went out of the house and walked to school. The day seemed to crawl; classes were held, some tests were handed out, I didn't really pay much attention. There were clubs to attend to. I didn't want to go but I was president or one of the officers that I couldn't pass. I tried to act all normal and chipper, but it seemed to work only a little. Fellow students and teachers alike commented on my pale face, asking if I need to go to the clinic or some such foolery. I hastily declined offers of escorts to the clinic, mostly given by females. To avoid the same scene, I went out of my way to be happy and enthusiastic. I acted like a vivacious fool in the Science Club meeting, telling all the science-related jokes I knew and splattering out an encyclopedia of facts about echinoderms and crustaceans and cephalopods, DNA's and molecules, etc. Then, in the Student Council meeting, I acted like a half-crazed disciplinarian, telling the don'ts and do's the Council should ensue. I went in the Editorial Room for an interview. I spent about two hours in there, answering questions about what my parents' names are and if what I want more is ice cream or chocolate and where could I find time to study and other nonsense. I bared with it a trifle impatiently. After all, they're just doing their jobs; though why would anyone want to learn my life story is a wonder, I was a pretty boring ningen after all.

_But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind. Underneath the guise of a smile, gradually I'm dying inside_

Finally, finally, I was able to escape. I went for a little walk at the park and hurriedly went away as memories of Hiei and I showed itself in every corner. I went into a restaurant and ate ice cream. Then I stopped when I found out that I was eating Hiei's favorite flavor. Grumbling, I went to a friend's house, scolding myself that I wouldn't think about that certain fire demon. My friend set up the family videoke and we took turns singing. My mind suddenly conjured up a picture of the Koorime, his first and last attempt to sing at the videoke in my room. Feeling nauseous, I said goodbye to my friend and readied myself to go home. I was ready to scream! _'Why am I so fixated and obsessed with that fire demon?' _When he asked me if I was feeling fine, I hastily said yes, plastering a big, wide smile on my face. "Ja ne, Kureii! See you tomorrow at school!" I told him enthusiastically, feeling my face was about to split with the fake smile on it. I went home the long way. As I was walking along the street, couples loitered all around me. Their silly smiles and shy looks all pierced through my heart. The love shining in their eyes would never shine on mine, it was all dying embers. I felt numb, pain was eating at my heart. Maybe this is how it feels to be slowly passing away.

_Friends ask me how I feel, and I lie convincingly_

_'Cause I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering_

I hurriedly climbed the steps to Genkai-baasan's temple. The gang was having a party and I was running late. The scare of seeing Hiei dragged at my feet; but the excitement of seeing him again put wings on my feet, boy was I going mad! Reaching the door, I swept it aside to reveal a mad scene. Yuusuke was wrestling with Kuwabara, Botan was egging them on while Yukina was pleading for them to stop. Keiko was helping Genkai with the food while the latter was shouting something at the two struggling figures. Sighing, I hurriedly went to the two troublemakers to break up the fight.

After the sumptuous meal, Botan put on a catchy beat and couples started to dance. Yuusuke was pleading with Keiko to dance with him; Yukina swaying gracefully with the music while Kuwabara was jerking awkwardly; and surprisingly, Botan and Koenma were on the dance floor too, dancing the night away. I sat out the dancing part with Genkai, discussing some trivial things and stuff. Suddenly, she turned serious and asked me the question I was loathing to hear. "Kurama, is everything alright between you and Hiei?" she said with a curious smile. _'Inari, why did she have to ask that?! Well, better not put it off any longer and put it out in the open.'_ "Well, baasan, we're fine, still friends. Why did you ask?" "Oh, nothing. It's just that something tells me there are negative vibes between you two lovebirds. Is anything wrong with your relationship?" "No, baasan, of course not! In fact, there is no relationship." I tried to say it blandly and neutrally but I guess she saw something on my face. "And, how did this come to be? Did you two fight? Did you talk it over?" "Well, more than a month ago, he came to me and said we were through. I tried to talk...(I couldn't keep a hurt note from those words), but he didn't want to. He gave no reason and.. well, that's about the whole story." Several minutes passed with us in total silence. Then finally she said, "Are you alright with it? You love him (_'Did she have to say it matter of factly?_'), and, I think, that he loves you too. There must be some reason as to why he suddenly pulled this thing off. Maybe you did something to him? (At the shake of my head, she resumed) Well, just remember this, Kurama. I am your friend, we all are," she said, gesturing around the room. "And if you feel sad about this, just tell us. We'll help you through this." "Thank you very much, Genkai-baasan, but no thanks. I feel fine, really. Maybe I still feel something for him but all I feel is friendship, nothing more. Besides, I've never felt better. Thank you for the concern anyway." She looked at me, studying me. She seemed to gaze into my soul. After a few minutes of looking, and me shifting uneasily, she finally let her study of me drop and talked about nugatory things again.

_So I wear my disguise 'till I go home at night _

_And turn down all the lights, and then I breakdown and cry_

The night waxed on, until finally, my companions went their own separate ways. Yuusuke and Kuwabara walked part of the way home with me and they asked me almost the same questions Genkai asked. I responded with almost the identical answers that I answered to baasan. After spearing me with a searching look, they finally left me alone. Heaving a sigh of relief, I walked home, feeling wrung out and exhausted. _'Why do they have to ask those questions anyway. I wasn't letting anything slip, was I? I mean, I am acting ordinarily, I think.' _Breathing out another sigh, I opened the door and was accosted by kaasan. She ordered me to eat all of my dinner. I tried to protest, saying that I have eaten my fill in Genkai's party but she wouldn't listen. After eating more than was good for me, she commanded me to go to my room, clean, and have a relaxing sleep. I hurriedly complied, wishing to escape her worried eyes.

I went into the bathtub, letting the warm, scented water ease the tightness of my muscles. I stayed there for what seemed like hours. Slowly, I slid down the cloudy depths, closing my eyes tightly. This way, I wouldn't know if I was crying or not. When my lungs seemed ready to burst, I broke out of the water's surface, gasping for air. I stepped out of the bathtub and took a slow shower, letting the jets of water hit my body, feeling its massage like little fingers work wonders to my tired, wound-up body. I turned off the shower and reached for the towel. I dried myself and padded out of the bathroom into my room. After dressing up, I turned off my lamp and burrowed under the covers. "Samui, it's so cold," I murmured, wishing for warm arms to encircle me, wanting Hiei to drive off the cold. I cursed violently, wishing that I didn't think of the one who hurt me that way; wishing he were here with me. Giving up on my obsessed-with view of that blasted fire demon, 'Burn him!' I thought wryly, I snuggled more into my bed. Letting every part of my body relax, I felt sleepy. Suddenly, the image of my fire demon with Mukuro in his arms wafted to my eyes. That did it, I couldn't take it anymore. At daylight, when everything seems bright and happy, my masquerade was easy. But at night, when I'm all alone, there were no things to keep my mind off the Jaganshi. I tried so hard to keep a façade, to act-out to the world that I am happy and contented without him, I really did. But now, all the worries and hurts and pains came crashing down on me. I tried to project to my friends and to the people around me that I am felling fine... but they saw through it. _'Am I so transparent?' _I thought I was strong, I am strong, being a youko and all. But this pain, I haven't experienced before. Heck, no one in his right mind would jilt a youko, much less me. 'Why is my youko pride so enormous? Don't they know? Don't they get it that I'm not made of stone, that I don't have a wooden heart? I wish they would leave me alone for just even a day. I wish I'd never met that damn youkai! I wish I've never felt anything for him but friendship!' Then, tears flowed.

Disclaimer and Author's Notes: This beautiful Mariah Carey song ain't mine. I LOVE Breakdown!!! Must explain why I love angsty fics. I think, no, I know I made Kurama too OOC here so sincere apologies to you all!! Keep in mind that I wrote this, like, 4 years ago when I was just 14! I know that a lot of authors in were way younger than me when they started writing but oh well, I write crappy fics anyway so pardon the wrong grammar and such. Wooden heart, hah!


	2. Chapter 2: I Still Believe

IV Songs

a songfic by: Ninetails

Part 2: I Still Believe 

I paced back and forth in the confines of my room. _'What to wear? I never had this trouble before I love-loved-net that demon. Maybe this?' _I asked myself, holding up a green kimono with a blue and white-striped belt. _'Oh well, might as well wear a trash bin, no one would notice if I'm pretty or not, unless... Hiei might decide to come to the Festival. K'so, why does all my decisions have to concern with that bratty youkai?!' _I thought, hurrying to don the kimono and brushing up my hair. _'There, maybe I look presentable enough. Might as well go and enjoy what happiness I still have.' _I thought luridly. I went downstairs and kissed kaasan goodbye. She cautioned me to go home before my curfew and I muttered some non-committal sounds that she took for confirmation. I then walked to Urameshi Yuusuke's house and waited for him to scramble into his clothes. As we were walking towards the park, a harsh, comical voice called to us, "Oi, Yuusuke, Kurama, wait for me!" as we turned we saw Kazuma Kuwabara striding towards us. "Hi, Kuwa, where's the girls?" Yuusuke asked him. "Oh, you know them, they're probably there already. You know that they are always on time... most of the time," he answered. "Hey, Kurama, you seem awful quiet tonight, what's wrong?" Kazuma asked me, putting a heavy arm around my shoulders. "Oh, it's nothing. I'm just thinking of that big Quiz Bee held in our school tomorrow, I'm just worried if I world win, that's all," I answered cheerily. "Hontou?" Kuwabara eyed me suspiciously. Yuusuke came to my rescue, knuckled Kuwa ("Itai! That hurts! What was that for?" Kuwabara said, glaring darkly at Yuusuke.), and said, "Oi, Kazuma, you know Shuuichi, always thinking about school, when he's not thinking about..." "Look, there are the girls," I interjected before he could say HIS name. Suppressing a sigh of thanks and... disappointment, I saw that the Jaganshi wasn't anywhere near. In fact, he was not anywhere at all. I pasted a big smile to my face and joined in on the fun of the gang. Everyone was there, except for Hiei; of course there's Yuusuke and Kuwabara, Shizuru, Keiko, Yukina, Botan, even Koenma-sama, and surprisingly, Genkai-baasan. I once heard her say that Festivals and parties were for younger folk and I pointed out to her that, technically, I am a few centuries older than she was, being a youko, and I still go to parties. We passed by some people who sell balloons, fireworks and flowers. Yuusuke stopped by a flower stall and bought Keiko a bunch. I saw Kuwabara give a cute flower-balloon to Yukina. Then smiled when Koenma offered a half-eaten cotton candy to Botan. Feeling like it, I bought a cute rabbit mask in one of the stalls. To my embarrassment, the girls, specifically Shizuru and Botan, put the mask on my face and gushed-out embarrassing descriptions of how kawaii I was. Heaving a groan, I pushed the mask out of my face until it was at the right side of my head. "Hey everyone, look here!" Keiko suddenly shouted and when I turned to her, I saw that she was holding up a camera. I saw Yuusuke holding a pink, fluffy cotton candy and Kuwa was at our backs, holding up some fireworks. Then... I almost fainted. Standing to my right side was...Hiei! Then Yuusuke pushed the sweet cotton candy on Hiei's face and he uttered a surprised squawk. I couldn't help but smile as I saw the youkai's expression. Botan peered at him from my side and a light flashed. I blinked a couple of times and realized that it was Keiko's camera going off that produced the flash. Suddenly a wild urge to be a thousand miles away from the park hit me. I turned to go and a soft, small hand grasped at my arm. "Kurama, where are you going?" a gentle voice asked me and I turned to Hiei's twin sister. "I'll just buy us some drinks, Yukina-chan," I smiled at her. "Oh, then let Hiei-san accompany you to help you carry the drinks," she smiled innocently. "NO (I almost shouted), I can manage, really," I tried to protest but the gang pushed Hiei and I towards each other.

You looked in my eyes, and I get emotional inside

My gaze met Hiei's ruby ones and for what seemed an eternity, I was swallowed into those dark-red depths. I gave a start. _'I mustn't react again, gods I mustn't! I won't love him again, ever. You crazy youko, why do you have to feel this way again?' _and when I gazed around, expectant faces met my eyes. All of them wore amused and sly grins, except for Yukina, whose grin was just understanding. I coughed slightly and turned away from those teasing smiles, "Well, then. I guess _we _will get the drinks now," I sighed, going to one of the stalls where drinks were sold.

I know it's crazy but you still can touch my heart

And after all this time, you think that I, I wouldn't feel the same

But time melts into nothing, nothing's change.

I felt Hiei's presence just behind my back. I reveled at the feel of his ki, so mysterious and dark. My hand trembled as I passed him the sake and I almost dropped the bottles in my haste to pull my hand away from his. He, naturally, just turned to go, acting cold and impassive, as if nothing happened. I hurriedly passed out the drinks and watched the fireworks. A slow smile crept on my face. 'So beautiful, so peaceful... so loud,' I finished with a little giggle. "Watcha laughin' at, Kurama? Care to share the joke?" Botan asked with a mischievous smile. I quickly ran my eyes around the group and a blush crept at my cheek as I saw that they were all looking at me, but my cheeks really heated up as my gaze swept to Hiei. "Oh, um, nothing, I just remembered one of my friends, that's all," I laughed lamely, noting that they were all looking at me suspiciously. I noticed Hiei's gaze as I mentioned my friend. The ruby eyes seeming to fill up with jealousy, but... the look was there for only an instant then his gaze quickly became stone again that I asked myself if I really saw it I went back to my study of the fireworks and became oblivious to the time. _'Hmm, something's fishy here,' _I noted as I quickly scanned the group. The 'couples' loitered away ; Yuusuke and Keiko, Kuwabara and Yukina, and _Koenma and Botan_...! I looked at Genkai and Shizuru, pleading to them with my eyes not to go away. They smiled evilly and Genkai stopped for a chat with some friends of hers while Shizuru went in search for more sake. I fumed, standing there all alone with Hiei. _'How could they do this to me?! Some friends they prove to be!' _I turned slowly towards the demon, gluing a big smile on my face. "So, Hiei. I haven't seen you around Ningenkai for some months now. How are you?" I said, feeling idiotic. _'What's you're name? Where do you live? Baka! This is Hiei you're talking to! He's you're best friend, not some stranger you met just a minute ago,'_ I blushed, and was relieved to not find his gaze on mine. He was looking at the display of fireworks, a look of awe in his beautiful face. _'He's so gorgeous and beautiful and cute and...' _abruptly, he saw me staring at him and I turned away, my face heating up. "Wanna go around? There are many great things here that they're selling! Come on," I said enthusiastically, holding out my hand to him in a friendly gesture. The truth was, I longed to hold him close again, to feel his callused fingers on mine. "Hn," he looked at my hand as if it was a dangerous and strange animal. Sighing and dropping my hand, I headed for the direction of the stalls. I chattered away, idly talking about how great the night is, how beautiful the fireworks are, anything to fill up the growing silence between us. Suddenly, a particular stall caught my eye. "Hey, look! A kissing booth!" I said excitedly, spotting some cute girls behind the bright-pink stall. "Hey, wanna try it? I'll pay for you if you want," I told him excitedly, a plan unfolding in my head. "What are they for?" he asked, gesturing to the girls. "They're for kissing, duh! Come on! I'll try the girl on the right, you try the girl in the pink kimono" I said trying to drag him towards the booth. "Hn, I think the idea is stupid," eyeing the girls with disgust and... envy? Half-dragged, half-coaxed, I persuaded the fire demon to try the kissing booth. The girls all exclaimed at my companion. "Ooh, he's so cute!" and some, "Oh, what a cute, little, adorable boy you are!" and even some, "Hey girls, look at my little boyfriend!" a girl said, crushing Hiei to her chest. I laughed at the expression on his face; furious but helpless. Then I carried-out my idea. Stepping beside the girls who were trying to kiss the protesting fire demon, I smiled seductively. "Come on, Hiei. Take your pick," I said, gesturing to the girls then to myself. He snorted and I caught a faint "Baka, Kurama." I tried not to giggle hysterically. Suddenly, a brash, drunk man came to the booth and said, "Hey, pretty lady! How 'bout giv'n me a li'l kiss, eh? I'll pay you a thous'nd yen, even twenty, just to give me a li'l kiss on the lips." Then without warning, he cupped a feel at my bottom. An undignified squawk escaped my mouth and I slapped him; hard. Suddenly, Hiei was between the impudent man and me, holding his katana under the intruder's neck. "Don't you dare touch Kurama again, or else..." he put more pressure on the blade and the man gave a squeak of pain. "Hiei," I said, trying to bring down his sword hand. "Hold your temper, there are others watching," I said in a whisper, giving him a stern look. The stranger gave Hiei a final scared glance before swaying drunkenly away. "Hn, if you want some baka to hold your body without your permission, then I won't stop you!" he said with an imperceptible look in his eyes. If I didn't know better, I'd say that it was possessiveness in his eyes. Turning back to the girls, I laughed playfully and put my arms around Hiei. "Oh, look at the little kid. He's so brave, to threaten that bad man with his toy sword. Isn't he a darling?" I finished mussing up his spiky hair. They started fawning all over him again and he gave me such a ferocious glare that I threw up my hands and dragged him out of the circle the girls made around him. "There, for saving me from that horrible man, I saved you from your adoring fans! Now we're even," I said with a smile. He just gave another snort and a look of death and started walking away. To catch up with him, I had to run. He seemed to disappear within the night, his coloring blending well with the shadows and the shifting shapes caused by the lights, even if he wasn't wearing his usual black attire; he had on a dark blue kimono with green stripes, looking so adorable. I walked around the park, appreciating the well-lit streets, lit by colorful red lanterns. I spotted a flower-stand and scrutinized the flowers in display. _'Hmm, they're not as beautiful as my roses but they'll have to do. Maybe the carnations could use more nutrients and... heck, I'm here to find Hiei, not gaggle over flowers.' _I finally spotted him at the farthest end of the park, sitting on a large boulder. "May I sit?" I asked him and he gave a small "Hn" as a reply. We sat there in silence, watching the fireworks display up above. Suddenly, the sky became filled with red and green fires, the two seeming to intermingle for a moment before fading away into the night. I gave a gasp as I saw what that meant. Red, green... eyes. Hiei's and mine. Suddenly, I couldn't bear this wall between us any longer. I gently touched the hand nearest me and when he looked up, I caught my breath._ 'You're so beautiful, Itooshii,'_ I mused. I realized that I was staring at him and grinning like a fool. He looked at me for a moment then roughly snatched his hand away from mine. _'Damn stupid youko impulses!' _I cursed, closing my eyes and giving myself a mental shake. When I looked back at my side, Hiei had disappeared into the night. I still feel his ki somewhere, but not anywhere near. "Hiei," I shouted into the darkness. "Doumo, Hiei."

Each day of my life; I'm filled with all the joy I could find

You know that I am not the desperate type

Groaning softly, I went in search of the others for company. Trudging wearily, I passed some more brightly-lit stalls. I bought myself a balloon, bright green in color with stripes of rainbow colors swirling around it to make me feel cheerful. A handsome young man who thrust a large bouquet of roses accosted me and asked for my number. I smiled a little, seeing the joke in the situation. He then went away and waved back at me. I smiled sweetly back at him and he almost tripped over his own feet. That earned an outright laugh, but then it died when a deep grunt sounded below me. "So now you're hitting on younger innocent, helpless ningens now, huh? That desperate to find a lover?" Hiei said dryly. I turned toward him with a small frown. "Shut up, you know I'm not THAT desperate... yet. Do I hear a note of jealousy in your voice, Hiei?" I cooed sweetly at him. Before he could make another sarcastic reply, a loud "Hey, shrimp" distracted him and he turned towards Kuwabara with a deadly expression. "Sorry to bother you two lovebirds," Yuusuke said with a snicker. "Hey you overgrown barrel of pus, still alive?" Hiei shot back at Kuwa. At the background, Yuusuke was egging them on. Before the situation could get uglier, I stepped between them and held up both hands. "Stop it, you two! You sound like two barn cats trapped in a small sack, slashing at each other. Why don't you act like civilized err ningen... and youkai. The girls are watching, and they aren't very happy," and true enough, Keiko came barreling down on Yuusuke, the poor man cringing down like a stepped on puppy. Botan was giving dagger-looks to Kazuma but he was more abashed with the gentle lecturing of his Yukina. Hiei gave me a scowl that I answered with a smile. Snorting, he turned his back on me. Suddenly, Botan, Keiko and Shizuru cornered me. They backed me up on a clearing and bombarded me with questions about my time with Hiei. I tried to escape them but to no avail, they encircled me like a bird in a cage. They even asked me who the bouquet of flowers was from and when I said it was from a friend, they eyed me suspiciously, of course. After tittering their heads off, they let me go. Then as sudden as they appeared, they were gone, leaving Hiei and I alone once again.

If there's one spark of hope left in my grasp, I'll hold it with both hands

It's worth the risk of burning to have a second chance

I stood there, stupefied. Feeling betrayed of my friends for abandoning me again. I started walking to a shady part of the park, feeling Hiei following me. I thought they knew my predicament with this youkai. I thought they knew how I feel, unless I put up a great façade over my true feelings. _'Yeah, that was it. I'm too good at hiding my feelings, but it still causes me pain. Why can't anything in life be simple and not all intricate and complex?' _I put both my hands on his face, giving him a stern look. "Hiei, if you don't want the company of your best friend, you could always tell me to scram, not go off running to Inari knows where. Now why don't you enjoy the festival?" I said, beckoning to him to join me. He folded his arms about himself and gave me an indignant glare. Feeling downcast, I presented a single rose to Hiei, drawing it out of my hair and giving it to him with a little flourish. He eyed it warily and I said, "Don't worry, it doesn't bite," letting the fragrant petals run on my skin. "What am I supposed to do with that?" he said oh so sarcastically. "This," I said, putting the rose's stem behind his ear. "Oh, you look so kawaii!" I gushed at him. He snatched the petal from his ear and smoke seemed to rise from his arms when... he looked at me and held back, then he put the rose back on behind his ear.

No, I need you baby. I still believe that we can be together

No, If we believe that true love never has to end,

Then we must know that we will love again

Feeling sure about myself now, I tucked the rose gently, adjusting it needlessly, just for the sake of being near him. _'Hmm, maybe... no, I won't hope it. But, he isn't shunning me away and he's acting almost like he did before. Maybe...' _I thought, looking at the stunned look in his eyes, _'we still have a chance,' _I pondered silently, gazing mesmerized at his face. There was another expression in his beautiful face. The light in his eyes suggested something, but I dare not do anything about it lest he would slip away from me if I did. His face was full of pain and sorrow. I touched his soft cheek, casually running it up to his pointed hair, then back down. When I reached his abdomen, I felt the muscles go rigid at my touch. Smiling a little, I studied his reaction to my caresses. _'Maybe we really _could _relive our relationship again,' _I thought joyfully. I slowly put my arms around him. Slowly so he would have plenty of time to back away. When my arms were completely around him, I breathed the scent of him. His scent was s intoxicating, that clean smell that was purely Hiei. I cradled his head gently to my chest feeling him snuggle a little into my body. I ran my hands languidly up and down his body, hearing him groan and sigh, arching to my touch. Then finally, I couldn't resist any longer. I was eager for his lips to touch mine. I cupped his chin in my hands and brought his lips up to mine.

I still believe, someday you and me, will find ourselves in love again

I had a dream, someday you and me, will find ourselves in love again...

Our kiss was slow and sexy, full of heat and passion. Full of desperation, pain, and... hope. Finally breaking it up for air, I looked into his eyes. They were as glazed as maybe mine was, still full of the desire of our kiss. Then suddenly, he jerked away, his eyes going wider and wider as he stared at me. "Hiei, please, give this a chance. Please, I beg you," I pleaded, going to him and trying to put him back into my arms. He stood away, coldly eyeing me now. "We can't. Mukuro and I are getting bonded," and he waited for my reaction. My eyes seemed to fill my face. I wanted to scream, to shout at the absurdity of it all, but my throat seized up, suppressing my urge. After what seemed an eternity, I went back to looking at his face. I didn't realize that I was reaching for him. My hand was slowly rising up to his face. I touched his cheek, running my thumb up and down, wanting to do more. "Well, then. I congratulate you and Mukuro, Hiei." And softly, I whispered, "Mashiara." I dropped my hand. There was no reaction coming from him, only a blink and a widening of the eyes. He seemed to recognize the word, but I thought it impossible. He backed away, looking at me, no expression on his face. Then he blended into the shadows and was gone.

I was back in my room, feeling the events after Hiei's parting pass away like a haze. I was crying... again. I was never this weak when I was a youko. I still am, but... it's sometimes hard to believe I AM. Youkos were a hard race, we are considered as some of the most beautiful and unfaithful lovers in the whole of Makai. Hiei was the one who was supposed to be crying, not me. Feeling weaker than all of my fights put together, I settled into my sheets. _'I thought there was a chance. It was all a fool fantasy I made.'_ Hiei. I'll never fall in love with you again. Mashiara. The present seemed to fade and the past seemed to focus right before my eyes. I heard the term when I was still a kit. I was hiding in the woods near our home, Megumi-okaasan was hunting and I had nothing else to do so I wandered around. Then I saw a blue youko with a silver youko, the blue desperately holding the silver. They were murmuring something, but the blue sounded pleading and the silver was reasoning. Curious, I stepped closer to the two. They seemed to be fighting now, the blue was shouting something about infidelity and the silver was just silent. Then the latter said something and the blue stopped, choking his next words. Then the silver youko backed away and started to leave. I heard the blue youko shout a word to the departing figure... Mashiara. All I knew was that I never saw that blue youko again. There were rumors that he committed suicide. Then the present came into view again. It was only centuries after that I found out the meaning of that term. Hiei... Mashiara. My lost love.

Author's Notes and Disclaimer: Okay, another Mariah Carey song. I was so infatuated with her Butterfly cd at that time so.... Anyways, pardon again for the, um, shall we say, unintended errors in grammar and total patheticity (if there is such a word.... There isn't, ne? ) of my work. Oh yeah, the term Mashiara is owned by Robert Jordan, the esteemed author of the Wheel of Time series. I can't wait for book 10! And I just noticed that I made Kurama-sama, well, a crybaby in this series. GOMEN NASAI MINNA!!!!!!!!!


	3. Chapter 3: Can't Cry Hard Enough

IV Songs

a songfic by: Ninetails

Part 3: Can't Cry Hard Enough

I'm gonna live my life like every day's the last.

Without a simple goodbye, it all goes by so fast.

It's the last day before summer vacation. I can't wait for the school year to end. Normally, I wouldn't say that. I love school, I love learning new things and overcoming the challenges they throw at us. I love the healthy competition between the students. But most of all, I love the way it distracts me from my heartache. But still, I was relieved when the final bell chimed, signaling the school's end. Loud cheers erupted from around the classroom. My seatmate gave a loud whoop and patted me at the back, smiling. I smiled back at him. I wished I had put a little more force into that smile when he said, "Shuuichi, it's the end of school, it's vacation already! Why the sad face? Did someone die? Come on, think of all the fun. The beach, the waves, the babes in bikinis. Hey, you might even find a girl to snuggle with, " he finished, giving a wolf-whistle. I coerced a weak laugh out of me, thinking this the reason why I want school to end. For the whole month after Hiei said he and Mukuro are bonding, my classmates commented on how pale and sick I look. Genkai-baasan and the gang never left me alone in my misery, always being beside me to support me. All they did was give me pitying looks and forced smiles; yeah, like, I _really _needed that. _'Maybe I could sleep-out the whole summer locked-up in my room. Nah, too many memories there. Maybe I could persuade Shiori-san and 'tousan to have a family vacation. Oh, it's their anniversary and they're going to Hawaii. Hmm, it's hopeless.'_ But then, I was determined to live this life, my life, to the fullest. "I'm gonna live my life like there's no tomorrow. I'll have lots of fun, even if it kills me," I whispered stubbornly. My seatmate looked at me funny, then shrugged. _'Oops, I almost forgot he was here, better focus.' _"Uhm, just thinking of the fun I'll have this vacation, that's all," I said with a laugh, or what sounded like one. As I walked out of the gates of Meiou High, girls surrounded me and started asking me where I intended to go for vacation and if I could bring them. As past experiences taught me, all I did was acknowledge their presence and nod here and there; because whatever I do, they won't stop bugging me.

I walked through the park one warm Sunday afternoon, looking at the scenes around me. Couples loitered around, holding hands. I even spotted a man walking with... a man! _'So that's accepted in the ningen world now. Maybe I should tell 'kaasan and 'tousan... there's nothing to tell anyway so I won't bother them,'_ I thought morbidly. I bought a Hot-fudge sundae and started licking it. I became conscious of girls looking at me. _'Is something wrong with me? Is my hair straight? Is my shirt unbuttoned? Is my zipper down?'_ I thought anxiously, looking down at my favorite pair of white jeans and my T-shirt that brought-out the emeralds of my eyes. Then I noticed the girls giggling and I sighed exasperatedly. _'Girls,' _I thought wryly_, 'You never get to understand them even if you live a thousand lives.'_ Suddenly, the girls approached me and started flirting. I smiled at them when suddenly, I saw a small figure walking right in front of us. He had long, black hair, a bit spiky but was in a ponytail. Ignoring the girls, I hurriedly caught up to the guy. "Hiei?... Oh, sorry, I thought. Never mind. Sorry for bothering you," I said apologetically. "Yeah, alright," the stranger answered with a deep voice. I gasped, it was almost like Hiei's voice! The stranger's hair looked a little like Hiei's but he had eyes so dark, it almost seemed a rich purple, and a cute smile. _'Funny how I still notice these things when I'm totally fixated with that damn fire demon.'_ I hurriedly got hold of myself before I broke down right in the park. I became alarmed when he thought me a girl so I hurriedly introduced myself, saying my very _male _name. The stranger introduced himself as Hinageshi, Toki and I shook hands with him. We got together in a little café near the park and got to know a little of one another. _'Maybe it's high time to find another... buff for my aching heart. This Toki fellow seems nice...'_ "No, I don't have a girlfriend, ever. Why do you ask," I told him. "Well, nothing. It's just, I don't have a girlfriend too, ever. What I mean to say is that... well, uh... that I'm not really fond of girls, you know." "Well, I'm fond of girls, I have lots of girl friends (There was a... hurt?... and confused expression in his eyes so I hurriedly cleared what I was saying), who are all taken. The only one available is an elderly lady." I was relieved that he laughed at my little joke. _'Lucky me that I hooked up with a shay. But, am I ready for a relationship?' _I thought, looking at Toki's handsome face. So reminiscent of Hiei's face. _'No, I still couldn't. the memory still hurts. I'm fooling this nice guy and myself, I couldn't hurt him. I'm still in love with that cold, heartless, darned youkai.' _We talked a little more and he asked me if he could escort me to my home. I complied, thinking it a courtesy.

As we walked down the street towards my house, we talked of trivial things. I learned that he was very literate, very educated and very charming. What he saw in me, I don't know. I'm just a boring, half-ningen, half-youko creature. Many say I'm beautiful, my looks are feminine so at first glance, I look like a girl. I can't help those comments, so I ignore them. I don't think much about my beauty, ever since Hiei. Much good it did to our relationship, if one could call it that. As we neared the house, he suddenly stopped and turned to me and took my hand. "Shuuichi, I'd like to know you better and I just know we will have a great relationship together. I'm even suspecting that I'm beginning to like you!" he said, an earnest expression on his face. _'Inari! I couldn't lead him on! He wouldn't expect anything from me! I have to put an end to this.' _But before I could open my mouth to literally chase him away, his hands snaked around my neck and he pulled me down for a kiss. It was warm, it was nice, but there was no electricity. We broke up for air, my eyes growing as wide as they could go. "Whoa..."he only said and began to pull my head down again. I pried his fingers off my neck and stared at him, surprised and abashed. "Gomen, Shuuichi. I can't help myself. Your lips... maybe we should take it slow, ne?" he asked with a seductive grin. "Toki, you're a nice person and all but, "You didn't like it?" he asked, his voice hurt and plaintive. "No, I liked it but... you must know something about me. You see, I'm on the rebound from a failed relationship. I'm afraid that I will only use you to dampen the pain a little. I'm sorry but I couldn't do that to you... to anyone. I'm really sorry but I can't let this...relationship between us happen, I'm sorry," I finished in a hurry, not being able to meet his eyes. When I finally did look at him, his face had gone paper-white. "No, never mind. It was my entire fault. I let myself believe... but never mind. We'll be excellent friends but... if you need someone, I'm here." And with a last look at my face, he sauntered down the other way. Sighing, I went into the house.

And now that you're gone, I can't cry hard enough.

No, I can't cry hard enough for you to hear me now.

Shiori-san presented me a letter. It was from Keiko who was currently in vacation with her family in one of the remote tourist-spot beaches. In the envelope was a picture. It was the shot taken at the Festival weeks ago. It was a funny shot, especially Yuusuke's and... _HIS _face. I laughed a little at the memory then it was followed by a sigh. That night seemed to be going perfect but then... he just HAD to say that. I jogged up to my room and found a picture frame. I put the picture in it and stood it on my study-table. I gazed at it more and my vision became blurred. 'Hiei...' I thought, fingering his face on the picture. "You're gone from my life. You're not here in my arms. We'll never be happily together... I'll never be happy. My heart, my soul, I still love you," the last word was swallowed in a sob. I stifled it by biting my lip...hard. _'Can't let 'kaasan and 'tousan worry about me when their anniversary is only days away,' _I thought, going to my bathroom to wash my face. When I was inside, I looked at my reflection. My eyes were still streaming with tears so what I saw was only vague figures and colors. I washed my face, feeling childish and like a total fool._ 'Much good my crying did,' _I thought dryly. _'There's not much a river of tears and a mouth-full of pleading when the man you meant it for is in another world,' _I reminded myself. I went down and had dinner with my family. For them, I will wear a smile. For them, and my friends, and myself, I will continue to wear a mask. There's no use in letting them see my pain, for they could never mend it. _'Maybe no one could. Perhaps the only one who could is...'_ I continued eating.

Gonna open my eyes, and see for the first time.

I let go of you like a child letting go of his kite

I went into the annual Kite-flying Contest held every year at a village near our home. I went with my brother, Shuuichi who was baby-sitting our 'kaasan's friend's child. He was leading the child by the hand towards the ice cream stand, anxious to quiet the little boy's wailing for his mother. There were many kinds of kite. There were ordinary kites in the shapes of fishes, diamond-shaped ones; there were butterfly-shaped kites flown by little girls. There were modern-shaped kites like airplanes and rockets held by older kids. There were even grown-ups around clutching elaborately carved kites. Some teenage girls were making calf-eyes on me, and I acknowledged them with a smile; they started giggling. I walked around to look for my brother, not finding him on the said ice cream stand. I finally spotted him and the child, Shura, in a group watching kite-flyers do their stuff. The child, Shura, looks astonishingly like Yomi's son. The same black hair and dawn-tinted eyes. _'Maybe I should visit him. It's been a long time since I last saw my friend,' _I thought distractedly, trying to snake my way into the crowd to reach my companions. Suddenly, I spotted a little girl, about as high as my waist and looking like five or six, holding a cute dragonfly-shaped kite. She was trying to fly it and was almost succeeding when... the kite came hurtling down with a gust of wind. Her mouth quivered and her eyes filled with tears. I waved to Shuuichi to let him know where I was. Not wanting to see the cute little girl cry, I went over to her and gave my most charming smile; it worked pretty well with everyone, adult or child. She gave a few sniffles as she looked up at me. "Hey there," I said comically, "What's you're name, pretty girl? You've got such a nice kite. Did you made it?" "My 'tousan made it. I'm Ayame." "Why are tears in your eyes, hn? You've got such a pretty kite, the prettiest kite around, and you cry? What's the matter?" I asked her kindly, picking up her dragonfly kite and hoisting the little girl to my shoulders. "Well, I can't fly my kite. No one will be able to se how pweety it is 'n my brother there," she said, gesturing to a teenage boy, "won't help me fly it." "Nani?! Your brother must be blind not to see how beautiful your kite is. Ooh, there, there," I soothed, patting her wee hands. "I will show you how to fly your cute kite so everyone will see it, ne?" I put her down gently, her bright, childish giggles bringing a smile to my lips. "Listen carefully, Ayame. Okay, this is what you do. I will go there, far away from you holding your kite. Now you hold the string tightly, okay?" "Okay, but why will you go away? You'll leave me?" she asked shyly. "No, no. I'll go away so that the wind may catch your kite and bring it up, up into the sky. Okay, you stay right here." And with those words, I trotted away, holding the child's kite. When a strong gust of wind blew, I started running, the kite high up on my arms. When I felt that the time was right, I let go of the kite, watching it soar up into the heavens. I heard Ayame's blissful laughter as she held the sting to the kite, bringing it left, then right. I ran right back to her and guided her with the string, holding her small hands. For some minutes, the dragonfly kite glided through the air. In that time, onlookers gathered around us, exclaiming at our kite-flying expertise and how beautiful the kite is. Suddenly, some kid came running towards us, not looking where he was going. He bumped into Ayame and she let go of the kite's string accidentally. She tried vainly to catch it but the wind whipped it away from her grasp. I also tried to help her, running after the kite. But I was too late.

There it goes up in the sky; there it goes beyond the clouds. No reason why.

We watched her kite fly up into the sky, became a little speck in the blue, then vanished. That was when my little girl howled. I tried to comfort her and shush her cries as best as I could. Murmurs of sympathy came from the onlookers then they left us alone. Shuuichi and Shura came to us and Shura presented his kite to Ayame. "Here, please don't cry. We can make a new kite," the boy said with a shy smile for Ayame. The girl sniffled a little bit more then reached for the kite. It was a butterfly kite, rainbow-colored and very pretty. She even smiled a little. Shura held out his hand to Ayame and she took it. Shuuichi and I smiled to each other. _'Puppy love,'_ I sighed. We started walking again, the children at our front. We went around the wide field, watching people fly their kites. Some girls exclaimed at how beautiful the kite Ayame was holding and she beamed proudly. Then the girls shifted their attention to me; I backed away helplessly as they encircled me, pleading with Shuuichi to help me. He grinned amusedly, then broke into the circle and hauled me out, muttering apologies and reasons to the girls about how we were in a hurry. "It's so hard being you're brother, Shuu," he told me with an impish grin. "It's a wonder how I put up with it. You owe me a favor." "Hey, I helped you with all of your homework, isn't that payment enough?" he grinned again, "Nope. But it's an honor being sibs with a good, king, unselfish, good-looking, smart..." "Okay, okay," I said, clamping a hand to his mouth. "I get the idea," I said with a small smile. We wandered around aimlessly for a few more minutes then stopped at a windy par of the field. We flew the kite, Shura helping Ayame, her dragonfly kite nearly forgotten. Then it was time for the kids to go home. I escorted Ayame back to her parents then helped Shuu find Shura's parents. After some more ice cream, my brother and I went home.

I can't cry hard enough, no, I can't cry hard enough

For you to hear me now.

I immediately went up to my room, stripping my clothes and wearing a bathrobe. I was so tired, I felt ready to snooze. Then I suddenly thought of Ayame's kite. When she let go of it accidentally, her heart broke, losing the beautiful kite was a real pain. It was like that with Hiei and I. When I let go of Hiei, it was involuntarily. The wind swept him away from my grasp. I clutched desperately at him, but all I touched was the air. I was helpless, not able to do anything to get him back. All I could do is watch as the wind, Mukuro, whisks him away out of my reach... out of my life – forever.

I got into the bathroom. Funny, all the places I spend most of my time in are my bathroom, my room and the park. These places, especially my room, seemed almost stifling to me. Memories lurked everywhere. Especially those that nudged my heart. I sighed; _'Maybe it's time to get that vacation. Maybe I could persuade 'tousan to take us to the Hot Springs after they come back from Hawaii,' _it was a nice thought. Peeling off the robe, I dipped into the warm bath, closing my eyes and relaxing. I dropped my special bath oil into the water, making it smell like roses. I lathered a sponge with my favorite herbal soap and ran it all over my body. I lathered my best-liked shampoo into my fiery hair. _'Fire,' _I thought, _'Better not think of that for now,' _I finished with a little sighI almost felt contented. After about an hour in the bathroom, I went out and got dressed into my pj's. All I felt like doing is sleep for the rest of my human life. Hiei. I had no choice. I had to let you go. There was nothing I could do. I've lost my heart, my love, my soul, when I lost him. I couldn't take him back now. I don't want to break a sacred bonding. I felt helpless as a newborn when tears came.

Gonna look back in vain, I see you standing there

When all that remains is just an empty chair

A few days passed after the Kite Festival. My family took a vacation in one of the Hot Springs Resort near Mt. Fujisawa. We spent a glorious week there, lounging around in the hot springs, taking sauna baths, enjoying the peaceful scenarios around. I felt relaxed and refreshed after that vacation. I felt more alive and rejuvenated than the past month. My good mood lasted for a few weeks. Until I started thinking of that bastard demon again. It started when I saw Toki. I was walking around the park with Kuwabara and Yuusuke. They were discussing new tactics of some video game and I listened with half my attention. I was looking around the park, mainly at the flowers, when I spotted him. Black hair, small, lithe form. I gave a small gasp. My companions stopped their chatter and looked at me, a little alarmed. "What is it, Kurama? What's wrong?" Yuusuke asked, putting a protective arm around my shoulder. "Yeah, tell us. Is anyone quarreling you? Come on, tell us who the bastard is. We'll beat him to a pulp!" Kuwabara said viciously. "Guys, calm down. I can take care of myself, remember? I just saw someone I ... knew, that's all," I said with a weak chuckle. They turned to the direction I was looking at and also saw the person much like Hiei. "So that's it! Why is _he _here? What's he doing in Ningenkai? To visit someone?" Yuusuke said with a mischievous smile. "You spotted an... acquaintance. Come on, let's go to him," he said, pushing me about the park. When we reached Toki, Kuwabara put an arm around him and said, "Hey, shrimp! Still alive? Watcha doin' here, you barrel of..." he spluttered when Toki turned with an outraged expression. "Ah, he ,he. Sorry, wrong num... I mean, I thought you were..." "Shuuichi!" Hinageshi said, looking straight at me. "Ku- I mean Shuuichi, you know this guy?" Yuusuke asked me, glancing back and forth at Toki then me. "Uh, yeah, we've met," was my short explanation. Kuwabara was looking suspiciously at him. "Kura- uh Minamino, are you sure this isn't... I mean, there are such things as purple contacts nowadays and..." "Guys, meet Hinageshi, Toki. We met also at the park weeks ago. Toki, meet my friends Urameshi, Yuusuke and Kazuma, Kuwabara," I said gesturing to them. He gave them polite nods and looked back at me. I noticed Yuusuke giving me concerned looks. _'Why? Is something wrong with my face?'_ I thought, giving him a little smile as if to say "I'm alright, don't mind me." I turned back to Toki and said, "It's nice to meet you again, Toki. Maybe one of these days, we could meet again for another cup of coffee or something?" I asked him politely. "Yeah, I'll keep in touch," he said in a soft voice and _touched soft fingers to my cheek! _My eyes widened as he came forward but then, he came back down then turned away from me. "Bye," he called then waved at me. My two friends looked funnily at me. "Is he a- what is that term you use? – _shay_?" Yuusuke asked. "Yes." "Did you? Did he?" Kuwabara spluttered. "We might have a chance if I'm over the fire demon but..." I stopped, I couldn't help it. my lips quivered and I bit it to stop myself from crying. "Oh, Kurama, we're so sorry," Yuusuke said sympathetically. They put their warm arms around me. I don't care what others say about them. Yuusuke and Kuwabara might seem burly to others but for me, they're the best friends one youko could ever have. In their arms, I felt the care I so long for. 

And now that you're gone, I can't cry hard enough.

No, I can't cry hard enough for you to hear me now.

I'm in my room, doing what I always do in my room. I'm burrowed like a rabbit in winter under my covers. As my mind played back the scenes of the day, I felt so lonely and so alone. I wish my friends were here. I wish 'kaasan was here. But they mustn't get worried and hurt because of me. My vision became bleary, thinking of crimson eyes. A low sob escaped my parted lips. But no matter how hard I cry, Hiei won't hear it. I won't let him.

Disclaimer: Nope, the song ain't mine. Toki. Cute name, hehe. Read it somewhere... I dunno. Sorry for the crap. I made our favorite bishounen a wussy individual. It wasn't intended, I swear! The term shay a' chern is from Mercedes Lackey's Magic's Spawn book. I've never read it, but I heard that this term is sorta like shounen-ai or something. Gomengomen! (")


	4. Chapter 4: Again

IV Songs

a songfic by: Ninetails

Part 4: Again

_I heard from a friend today_

_And she said you were in town_

Months passed. I took my final exams. There was a lot of tension but I passed with flying colors. My life is as dull as ever. I had countless dates, I guess, but there was no chemistry. I have no joy, even if I promised myself to find some excitement. But every hour seems monotonous, every day sameness as of yesterday. Girls were acting weird around me. They never cease to amaze (and surprise) me. They do such crazy things to catch my eye. One even went so far as to offer me her body... yadda, yadda. I was so amused with that, not to mention quite scandalized. No one has come to visit me via my window. I'd give almost anything to catch a glimpse of him again, to hear his bitter snort, to catch the crimson light of his eyes... I sighed. _'Kurama no baka, you're hopeless!' _

On an early, sunny weekend, I trudged through the streets, enjoying the warm breeze caressing my face. I decided to pay a visit to Genkai-basaan's temple to see how the girls are doing. I spotted Yukina-chan sweeping dead leaves into a neat pile at a corner of the garden. When she saw me, she gave a beaming smile, but her eyes were troubled. I approached her, a small smile on my face. "Ohayo, Yukina-chan! How'ya doin'?" I said cheerily. I was surprised that Kuwabara wasn't in the vicinity. Usually, he can't let Yukina out of his sight for fear of other suitors. "Good morning, Kurama-kun. Why don't you come in first and have something to snack on? I'm sire that Genkai-basaan will be glad to see you," was her somewhat strained reply. I looked at her questioningly but she just escorted me into the temple. Genkai was still out somewhere in the yard so being the good hostess as she is, she set some cups and poured tea. "Yukina, doumo for sounding rude but... Is something bothering you? I-I can't help but notice that you're a bit preoccupied and there's sadness in your eyes. Is something wrong with your relationship with Kuwa?" I asked her, seeing her flinch a little. "It's – not – that, Shuu-kun. It is better for me to tell you than when you'll find out yourself. My 'Nisaan is coming here for a visit. It's been quite a time now since I saw him so I requested him to go here and see me. I – I hope you don't mind... Shuu? Are you alright?" she asked worriedly.

Suddenly the memories came back to me in My mind

I felt my face pale as her news seeped through. Hiei, here. I'll see him again. Suddenly, images whirled through my mind. The first night we spent together as lovers was as vivid as ever in my mind's eye. Him coming through my window, as always and telling me that my happiness was over. Myself crying to sleep, waking up with my face blotchy with my eyes red and puffy. The festival we went to when my hopes slowly sparked but was instantly diminished. Toki... everything that happened to my life with that fire demon replayed in my mind. It seemed to take only a few seconds, but it was as though I have passed through an eternity of pain. I finally went out of my reverie with Yukina's hand on my head and Genkai hovering worriedly on the background. "Daijoubu, daijoubu, hontou! I was just a little dizzy. Heat of the day, you know," I said, feeling the lame excuse. Genkai heaved a sigh of relief and said, "Kurama-kun, don't do that to me! You almost gave me a heart attack! For an old lady, it would be the death of me." "Don't say that, Genkai-chan!" Yukina pleaded, voice wavering and eyes close to tears. "Ah, don't mind me, can't an old lady make an attempt at a joke?" I laughed; a bit relieved that I didn't start to bawl all over the place. We talked of things, pointedly avoiding THAT subject, until the sun was on its zenith and decided to go home. I politely said goodbye and went on my familiar path home.

_How can I be strong I've asked myself_

_Time and time I've said_

_That I'll never fall in love with you again_

He's here. Again. What will I do if I will see him? How am I going to act? Will I go ballistic? Will I be affected by his presence as much as before? I felt my knees weaken. I cautiously heightened my senses to find that familiar ki. Tense seconds passed... _'Good, I can't sense him yet.' _I walked on, showing a calm, serene outward appearance. But inside, turmoil was erupting.

_A wounded heart you gave,_

_My soul you took away_

My room, the familiar sight, smells and feel surrounds me. The atmosphere was dour. I was dour. I stare up my ceiling for countless hours. _'God, youko. Why are you so weak? You have told yourself time and time again that you'll never fall so deeply in love. That you'll never let yourself get hurt as badly as he hurt you. That, that... you won't love him again.' _I sigh, that's all I ever do now.

_Good intentions you had many,_

_I know you did_

He had a reason for doing this. At least he told me. Told me that he was ending the one thing that's making me whole. Told me that he will calmly seize my soul and trample it. Told me that he's crushing my heart in his hands and will never give a damn. "Stop it. You don't have to be this way. You promised yourself to go on. Now... go on!!!" I wondered if I'm going insane, talking to myself like that. Shiori knocked on my door, asking me whom I was with. I laugh out loud, at least I still can do it. laugh, I mean.

_I come from a place that hurts,_

_God knows how I've cried_

_And I never want to return_

_Never fall again_

I'm not ready to fall again. But I will... someday. But not as badly as I fell for him.

It was only recently that I went out of my solitude. Even my closest friends said that I'm starting to have that radiant smile on my face again. Even Yuusuke agrees, and he's the most worried of them all. I am glad that I'm starting to recover.

I still remember those sleepless nights when I was drowned with my own tears. Hn, was I silly! Crying my heart out for someone like that! HAH! _'Someone whom you love but didn't love you in return? Someone who you were willing to give your all and threw them all away?'_ asked a calm voice in me. That's it! tomorrow, I'm scheduling a session with a psychiatrist!

A few nights later, there was a party given to me by my classmates. It wasn't really that big a deal. I was the Best Student of the Year. I don a mask of happiness for them, since Keiko has commented that I was looking rather pale (! SIGH! as usual), and I should take medication, whatever. I was trying hard to NOT think of my health right now. Especially my mental... no emotional health. I am becoming the boring ningen that I am again; please shoot me! So, back to the party.

The party was held in the gym of Meiou High. It was decorated with streamers and a large banner saying "I love you, Shuuichi!!!" (Which was crossed out and was written over with," Congratulations, Shuuichi Minamino). Of course, all of my close friends, not my best friend, were invited. They were quite surprised that one of those friends was Yuusuke. Some girls played a trick on Keiko, giving her a death threat letter. She was seen being intimate, if that's what you call good friends fooling around, with me. Other than that incident, I have to admit that I really had a great time at the party. But all things must come to an end and my happiness did end. 

As I walked home, I cursed the harsh, cold wind that blew. I am all alone. I entered my room, shivering slightly. It turned into a full shudder as a pair of ruby eyes blazed directly at me.

Hiei was in my room, sitting on my bed, absently twirling a rose gotten from my vase. I almost passed out, not because of the past, but because it was quite unnerving to be greeted with red eyes in the solitude of your bedroom. Seeing him there, as if he really belonged there, brought memories to my mind, which I nervously thought could be very hazardous to the situation. "Oh, before I forget, I am not your lost love." "What?" I asked stupidly. He sighed. "Before I went away, you called me _mashiara_, which isn't true. You haven't lost me. You will never lose me that easily, youko. Kurama..." he uttered in his sexy... err, deep voice. _'Oh no, here we go again,' _I sighed dejectedly.

Making love to you felt so good and 

_Oh so right_

/FLASHBACK/: It wasn't the first time we made love. But every time is always a wonderful time, with Hiei. Every sound he made, every groan and gasp was like music that enhances me to do things even my youko side would think scandalous. I was helpless as he did things to my body, which excites me, licking and sucking, touching and caressing. In those private, special and wonderful times, I thought that our joy was endless. I thought we would never part. I thought wrong /END OF FLASHBACK/.

_So here we are alone again,_

Didn't think I'd come to this 

I stared more. I could not seem to tear my gaze from him. He had on a beige jacket and tight fitting jeans. Gods, he was so gorgeous! _'This is it. The final encounter. What happens now will influence my future. I have to let him leave, to never see him again. I have to end our beautiful friendship. I must...' _at that instant all thoughts were driven from my mind as he stood and went to me. He slowly unzipped to reveal a scarlet tank top that compliments his crimson eyes. He moved in that sexy... no, stealthy way of his. He gazed deeply into my eyes. His ruby ones were getting nearer, bigger, clearer. There was a raw emotion there, which I can not distinguish.

And to know it all began 

_With just a little kiss_

Inches apart, I could see moisture in his eyes that wasn't there a while ago. He took my hands and let it run through the soft material of his red top. I can easily feel the compact muscles under it. I gulped, trying to moisten my parched throat. 'Hi-Hiei..." He then slowly peeled his trousers off his legs and my eyes were drawn to his rising manhood that was jolting out of his flimsy undergarment. Another breath of icy wind reached me and I trembled. "Youko, a little chilled? Why don't you let me warm you a little, hn?" and with that, our lips touched. I stood still for countless seconds. He also stood unmoving, our lips only touching. Then I felt his mouth lick my lower lip and it unconsciously gave way to that ravenous organ. His tongue, now warring with mine, we drew close to each other, content to stay in that familiar embrace.

_I've come to close to happiness,_

_To have it swept away_

I could feel my heart rising, starting to beat again. I could feel the tickle of his breath, the warmth of his body. I could feel his heart beat close to mine. I was kissing my love again. I am complete again. Our hands were uncontrollable, touching everything, anything. He started drawing me somewhere. _'To the bed...'_ I realized. I eagerly went with him, my youko impulses taking in charge of my actions. He led my hands to his undergarment and let it slowly push the little cloth down... down, until his erection was in sight. He started undressing me. He pushed me to my bed and took my trousers off. Now totally naked with each other, he started driving me crazy with desire. He put his hips down and ground it with mine, wringing a moan from the depths of my throat. We proceeded to make love, as we never had before. I screamed as we both came, feeling as if I was falling... falling... falling. When I was back to the world of the living, I felt his weight on top of me. He was breathing hard, his heartbeat erratic. I closed my eyes and savored what we shared. Then I felt something. His tongue, slowly licking it's way up to my neck. I gasped as hot lips bit my shoulder. It was painful, but it was exciting. Something registered in my mind. _'He's bonded. He's bonded now, you can't do this. He's bonded to Mukuro, dammit!!!' _I moaned as I realized gravity of what we have done. "Hiei, stop! Damn youkai! Can't Mukuro satisfy your huge ego!!!" I shouted at him. He immediately went so still that I half wondered is he was still breathing. Then, a very unexpected thing happened. He began to _laugh_!

Don't think I can take the pain 

_No, never fall in love again_

We just finished making love, he hurt my feelings, he tricked me, treated me like dirt... and he was laughing?!! Well, he was snickering, really. At least in Hiei's standard, it was laughing. I wasn't able to do anything but stare, flabbergasted, at his chortling form. That familiar ache in my heart was becoming more painful by the minute. 'Stupid, idiot! You swear not to have anything to do with this damned youkai... and here you are, minutes after making love to him!!! It's the worst... joke in the world! I felt like laughing myself, but not for some unknown reason. I wanted to laugh my brains, guts and heart out. He was quieting down now, only a slight giggle escapes his lips.

_Kinda late in the game_

_And my heart is in your hands_

I had to thump his back for he was already choking. Him laughing was like Genkai going to a party... once a century. He caught hold of the hand on his back and held it to his heart. "If you only knew, Kurama..." "What? Why are you laughing, k'so! If you have nothing better to do but make fun of me, you better butt out or you might be plant food in a few minutes." At that, he laughed again, harder this time. I glared at him, a dangerous fire in my eyes. "Hiei..." I said warningly, an unspoken threat in my voice. After a few more (agonizing) minutes, he calmed down into an occasional smile. "Hn, the things you do to me, letting me sit up on a bed, directly on front of a window blowing cold wind..." I didn't get to finish the sentence. I was suddenly looking down at a Hiei, his arms tight around me. I didn't even have time to gasp. He was looking at me again, a tear gem forming in his eyes. "Hiei... I'm sorry , I... I mean, what, why did you came back? Hiei, please. Leave." "No Kurama, I won't leave. I love you, you love me. We need each other... "NO! I don't need you! I hate you! all you ever brought me was pain! How dare you say that you love me?!! You don't even know the meaning of the word!!!" I shouted in one breath, my voice getting hoarse by the sentence. I finally wheezed at the last word and he glued his lips to mind, once again. I struggled out of his grip and stalked away from my bed. I shook, taking an unsteady breath to calm myself a bit. No matter, I was about to break. All the strain and pain I've felt was showering down on me. I went to the window and pointed out. "GO!!! I never want to see you again, do you hear me? Never! Stay with that Mukuro of yours for all I care! Screw her all you want! Screw every youkai who crosses your path! GO!" he sat at my bed, calmly listening to my tirade. His eyes were still crinkled, for he was amused at... something. He stood and walked towards me, completely unabashed with his naked form. I fought the urge to grab and tumble him. He slowly collected his discarded clothes and donned them. I bit my lip to suppress my growing desire to kiss him. I was nuts! He finally reached me, taking my face in between his small hands. "I love you..."

_Don't you stand there and then tell me_

_You love me_

_Then leave again_

With those final words, he brushed against me and flitted out. "HIEI, WAIT!" _'Huh? Where did that come from?'_ I thought dazedly. I didn't plan to say that, what ever possessed me to say that? I heard a rustle and a faint curse. I turned around and saw Hiei hanging on a limb. He was too surprised, he lost his footing, I guess. Tears streamed my eyes. "Don't you dare leave! Don't you dare leave me again! Please," I whispered. "Hn, baka. Crazy as ever, aren't you, fox?" he said with slight amusement in his tone. "Why shouldn't I leave you?" he asked with a slight smirk, an eyebrow raised.

_'Cause I'm falling in love with you again_

"Be-because..." "Because what? Speak up, kitsune," he interjected mildly. "Because I love you..." "Oh."

_Hold me, hold me_

_Don't ever let go_

I approached the window a little warily. He might decide to flit away and disappear from my life again. I was clutching at air, desperately trying to feel his hands in mine. He warily reached out his hands and we clasped. I held his hand so tightly, I could feel every pulse throbbing in his veins. I slowly pulled him (again) into my room.

_Say it just one time_

I led him onto the bed and we sat, facing each other. "Hn. You're going crazy, koi." "You noticed?! I-I'm sorry I... couldn't live without you. please forgive me but... I love you," I told him quietly. He gazed at me, he drew nearer and enclosed me in a warm hug. He lifted his face and whispered in my ears. "I left you because I don't want you to get hurt." "What do you mean?" I asked, perplexed. He sighed, a deep, mournful sound. I cuddled deeper into his arms, wanting this moment to last. There was complete silence at first, his body stiffened. I began to caress his back, feeling the tensed muscles slightly slacken. "I was assigned by Mukuro to pursue youkai who are making trouble in her kingdom. I was the only one to volunteer to fight them, being her heir and all. We sent out some spies to track their activity and to measure their strength. Barely half of the number we sent out came back, barely alive. From the reports of our spies this group of top-rank youkai are all S-class. I went to you the night Mukuro told me that I was the chosen one to defeat these youkais. I knew you would be hurt, but I don't want you to have a dead lover. I wanted to hurt you so you would hate me, despise me... forget about me." "I could never do that! I could never forget my love for you. God, I could NEVER forget the first time we..." "If you would let me continue," he interjected with a glare. "After that festival, I was readying myself. I trained..." he trailed off. Maybe he felt foolish. This is the longest speech he as ever made in his whole life. "I defeated them and I want you back," he said in a rush. So that was it. my koi's story isn't so clear, there are still some parts that are quite questionable, but I saw the strain on his face caused by his drawn-out tirade. I pushed out of his grip and beamed at him. I stared at him for a while, drinking in the sight of him. He stared defiantly back. "Apology accepted!" "But I didn't apologize." "Well... you came close to it!" "Hn, kitsune no baka." Then silence overcame us. No words are needed when...

_Say you love me_

A few days later, the gang held a party in honor of our near bonding. I had a hard time convincing Hiei to attend it but Yukina-chan did her part and he finally conceded. Everyone was there; Mitarai, Shizuru, even Yuusuke's 'kaasan. Surprisingly, Koenma-sama and Botan found time out of their schedules of ferrying and admitting souls. Genkai was all smiles as she poured herself another cup of sake. I was all smiles, an arm around my koi as he scanned the festive scene. "Hn, why bother?" he grunted almost inconspicuously. I squeezed his butt affectionately and it earned me a downright snort. "Because they're happy for us! They are our friends, almost our family. And families share joy..." "Yeah, yeah. I'm not up to your blabbering. What's that orange thing on the table?" he asked suspiciously. I led him to the dining table and tried to convince that the Tempura was not something poisonous.

There were lots of food, I almost couldn't carry myself for I was full of it. I was ready to puke but they kept on insisting that I have eaten nothing yet. Hiei sat there and smirked. I winked at him, patting at my stomach. "I need you to burn this off tonight. Wanna help me?" That statement only earned a Look, a brook-no-nonsense glance.

We played some games, I even convinced Hiei to play Pin the Tail on the Donkey! I was totally convinced that he loves me. But he still doesn't want us to have a public display of affection. _'Hn, maybe we could work that one out,' _I pondered awhile, taking a rest from the entertainment. Yuusuke and Keiko were being pressured to have an engagement party similar to ours. Keiko only laughed hysterically while Yuusuke had an inward, thoughtful expression. I realized that my fire demon has gone out of my sight.

For a second, I panicked. What if he has left me? _'Baka, youko! You know he wouldn't do that. He couldn't! Better ask them where he went to.' _So I asked around about his whereabouts and felt for his ki. He was hiding it again. _'I wonder why.'_

Botan finally wrenched herself from the festivity long enough for her to answer my question. "Don't you see him? He's over there, near the sake bottles. Probably imbibing every drop of sake in the bottle. Get to him before he gets completely drunk. I finally spotted him slouched near the table where the sake bottles are. He was gulping down bottle after bottle. I gently took the one he was holding and put it down on the table. "You should stop this. You might get hurt or something." He just leaned to me and I grudgingly embraced him, quite outraged at his lack of concern for his health. I caressed his back, snuggling my face into the crook of his neck. I heard a contented purring from him. Suddenly, there was commotion as everyone parted and made a way for some youkai in livery. It was Mukuro's livery. They announced her presence, I heard Hiei grumble "Arrogant and conceited as ever. Hn." And finally, after a lengthy introduction made by the youkais, Mukuro just pushed her way between the youkai and beamed at Hiei and me.

I was quite uneasy. After all, the woman had been my biggest rival and here she was in our engagement party. She winked at me. I smiled at her, feeling a bit of tension thaw out.

Suddenly, Hiei wrenched out of my grip and grabbed my crotch. "Hiei?!! Wh- what are you doing? People are watching!" "Oops, sorry. Thought it was where your hands are. If they can see, they can hear as well. You have made a place in my heart where I thought there was no room for anything else. You have made flowers grow where I cultivated dust and stones. Remember this, my kitsune. You are the only one I loved, I still love, and I will love forever." One minute, I was just standing there, with just time to gape at a black blur streaking towards me; the next I was being quite thoroughly kissed. I thought I heard applause, but I didn't pay much attention to it. I was too much into the kiss that all thought drove out of my mind except the feel of my lover's warm lips on mine.

_God knows I do love you again_

We were bonded at the Reikai. My 'kaasan knew about it and was sad not to be able to attend it. She gave me consent and gave Hiei and I a personal party. I heard Botan sniffing and murmur, "This is sooo romantic!" When we had our hands clasped, I felt it. It was a warm feeling deep in me, at first. Then I recognized what it meant. Inari-sama, my fox deity, was giving my bonding with Hiei his holy blessing. I think Hiei felt it too, because at the time I felt it, he looked questioningly at me, then smiled. I sensed a slight disjointed feeling. Little did I know that at that time, my eyes shown more golden than green and my hair had strands of moonbeams in them. My youko side was rejoicing at this coupling too. Hiei's eyes widened as he witnessed this. But then, we felt content. We were three very different personalities then, but as we got bonded, we became one.

We had an informal honeymoon for a week somewhere in the Makai. Mukuro provided for our lodging there. Hiei didn't accept her invite in the palace, he said that it was too familiar and he was too sick of it. I was the happiest youko at those times. He was beginning to open himself completely to me. Every day, I learned something more about him. His smallest of smiles can make me deliriously happy. Unexpected things he does for me are forever stored in my mind. like how he gives me a garden-full of roses everytime I wake, how he suddenly holds my hand and look deeply into my eyes, and how he expresses his love for me in countless ways. I stay nights awake just to observe him when he sleeps. I notice such little differences in him when he was awake and asleep Like how he wants to sleep at the right side of the bed, how he looks like a fallen angel with his eyes crinkled and his lips forming a contented smile, how he talks in his sleep. And how noisy he could be when we are making love.

But then, something dimmed our happiness. Hiei had to go away for Mukuro. A twinge of jealousy strained my eyes and he kissed me, a smile on his face. I had to remember that he still IS in Mukuro's service and that he is loyal to me. I had to wait for a full year for him. A year!!! Now that I have him, a small time without him was enough to make me crazy. And now he's going away from me for a year! But then, one night before he left, he came to me. He got a velvet black box out of his inner pockets and put it in my hands. "Huh? What is this, koi?" "Just open it," he said with a hint of excitement in his eyes. I slowly opened the box, thrilled form head to toe. What I saw had me rooted to the spot. It was a ring of stone with tiny flecks that seem to vary in color. When the angle of the light changed, so did the colors sparkling from it. It sparkled ruby with an emerald halo around it. Tears formed in my eyes as he took it and slipped it into my ring finger. I saw my ring's twin on his ring finger. "I'll miss you..." I told him, snuggling a little in the hollow of his neck. "I'll miss you more, Kurama. Anata na ai shiteru," and he kissed me. I closed my eyes and I was content.

I was back in the ningenkai. I was working, doing homework and studying for exams. I was trying to live a normal life again. But it was easier this time. I have Hiei in my grasp. I am assured that he'll never leave me. I want to be certain of his health at all times so he sends me mental messages, full of thoughts of his love for me. I can't wait to have him in my arms again. But the bond we have makes the waiting a bit easier. I look dreamily up in the sky, partially distracted as he sends another mental note. Suddenly, I saw two stars; an olive one and the other, crimson. Their paths were one and as they collided, their flash was a strong, bright pulsating light that never grew dim. That was our love.

-Owari-

Author's Notes and Disclaimer:

Whee! Final episode, err, chapter! Whew! Such crap, ne? well then, you're being a masochist if you continued reading up to here with the thought of how crappy my fic is in mind. Err, okees, "Again" by Janet Jackson is not mine. The whole cast of Yuu Yuu Hakusho ain't mine. I desperately hope them to be but oh well... the lame plot is mine though. And I'm proud! Nyahahaha! (Oi, I'm starting to sound like Kuwabara!) Japanese terms are not translated since I'm sure you've already read them in other fics. Hiei had a lame reason, ne? I've always thought so. But at that time, I couldn't think of anything else, any motive for Hiei's sudden departures. Really, I am chastising myself with what I've put Kurama through. But such is he nature of fics. Hope (REALLY hoping) you've enjoyed the fic. Reviews are accepted. Flames? Interesting. ()


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